Navigating Change: Understanding the Cycle and Overcoming Barriers
It’s January- for many it’s a time for new beginnings and fresh starts. Many of us take this time to reflect on the changes we want to make, whether it’s with diet, exercise, relationships, mental health, or our careers. We vigorously write in our beautifully blank, crease-free journals as we fantasize about our ambitions. Initially, change can look attractive, yet, many of us struggle to complete our goals. What is it about change that makes it so difficult to follow through?
stages of change
I’ll let you in on a therapist secret: As we learn about our clients’ desires for therapy, we are also assessing their relationship with change. Why? Well, a client’s willingness to change can alter the trajectory of their therapy goals. There is a difference between a begrudging teen who doesn’t believe they need help, to a motivated couple who is desperate to heal their relationship. Both deserve a safe space, but it is likely their capacity for change will be very different.
There is a cycle that people go through as they face change:
Precontemplation: At this stage, individuals believe there is nothing to change. If they were to make change, they believe the cons weigh out the pros.
Contemplation: These individuals are considering change and can identify healthier patterns to possibly pursue. They can neutrally weigh out the pros and cons.
Determination: At this stage, individuals are making plans for change and believe it will earn positive results.
Action: These individuals are actively taking steps towards change and intend to maintain it.
Maintenance: At this stage, individuals have remained consistent with change and have a plan to avoid relapsing to older habits.
Many factors play into where someone lands on the cycle- their feelings/beliefs about change, self-confidence, opportunities, societal influences, supportive relationships, and more.
Take this time to reflect. Is there something you want to change? What are you willing to do to make change happen? What is influencing your willingness to change?
the ultimate barrier to change
On paper, the stages of change seem simple. If we want change to occur, we do something about it, right? I think we all know from experience that in reality, there are many barriers to creating and sustaining change. Personally, I believe the main culprit is fear.
There is one final stage to the cycle of change, and that is relapse. This is the “icky” part of change we don’t like to talk about because it is saturated with a narrative of fear- fear of failure, fear of shame, fear of rejection… and this is why change is so difficult. We give up when we falter because we fear the consequences of it. Sometimes we even reject our goals before we give them a shot. As a society, we have determined that backtracking is not allowed in the changing process. We have learned that goals are strict, solidified, and unforgiving.
What would happen if we reframed our setbacks? What if we saw them as part of the changing process, rather than a blemish on our progress?
small steps towards change
One of Merriam-Webster’s definitions for change is, “to make different in some particular.” What I like about this definition is it emphasizes that only a piece must be made different to transform the entirety into something new. Like how a glob of white paint turns pink when you add a dollop of red. Although exciting, making goals can be intimidating because we tell ourselves that a huge transformation must take place. What if that’s not the case? What if it takes a small change in your daily routine? What could happen if you tell yourself one kind thing a day? How could your life change if fear jumped in the backseat and you took the wheel?
Feeling inspired to make change? I’d love for you to join us for our workshop, Gracious Goal-Setting on January 31st, at 6:30PM on Google Meet. We plan to discuss:
Hesitations with goal setting
How to curate a grace-forward approach to goal setting
Create goals that are attainable & align with your values
How to reconcile with unmet goals
Click here to register. We hope to see you there!